


i was human

by RikoSan



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Action & Romance, F/M, Original Character(s), Originally Posted on FanFiction.Net, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-15
Updated: 2018-12-15
Packaged: 2019-09-19 12:06:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,848
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17001366
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RikoSan/pseuds/RikoSan
Summary: A series of related oneshots. Kylo Ren has been acting differently since their scrap with the scavenger. His training partner is determined to know why.





	1. training

**Author's Note:**

> So this was originally posted on Fanfiction.net (under my pen name Riko-San). I'll update both websites from now on. This was an idea I've been mulling in my head and I wanted to explore it.

For the fifth time that training session, Kylo Ren was knocked to the floor. The hard steel was cold against his cheek, a harsh sting resounding in his hip from the impact. A hot anger flared up in his chest and he swore loudly as he sat up.

Standing above him was the very bane of his existence. At least, for the moment.

"You've lost your edge," she commented casually.

"Hold your tongue," He snapped.

Since fighting the Scavenger, Kylo had noticed she was speaking more freely to him, something he was not accustomed to. That was not the only thing he noticed. For example, though she had, once again, overpowered him, she was leaning more on her left leg than her right. As he sat there, Kylo saw her hand clenching and releasing the training pole she was leaning on.

"Ahri," Kylo said, climbing to his feet, "You're in pain."

Those wine-red eyes of hers blinked once, twice. "I'm fine."

Kylo suddenly thrust his hand toward her- she countered and pushed it away, opting to strike his abdomen with her pole. It was a weak attack, but a quick-thinking strategy- as he went to block her left, her right hand sprung up to hit his face. Kylo stumbled back, but found his footing and lunged at her. Ahri threw the pole down and crouched, swinging her leg out and knocking Kylo's feet from under him. He inhaled sharply as his back slammed against steel.

Ahri was exasperated. "Again!" She commanded sharply. Jade locks fell into her eyes- she brushed them away quickly. "You still move too slow. Faster this time!"

Kylo jumped to his feet and they began again. Though she chastised him for being slow, she was not as fast as she usually was. Kylo was familiar with her fighting style; They had trained together for years. Ahri was calm and calculated. When she wasn't using the Force, she was quick-footed and struck with deadly presicion. She was always on the offensive, but this time she stuck with the defensive.

As she twisted from his reach, Kylo's fist made contact with her right side. It was a near fatal blow, as her chances of winning the spar were dead. Ahri cried out in agony and fell backwards on her back. Instinctively, Kylo moved to her aid. She was curled up, hands gripping her side tightly. Wimpers came from her, invoking a strange tug in Kylo's chest.

He suddenly felt-

"Guilt is not yours to claim," Ahri said through gritted teeth. "This was a small sacrifice."

Kylo said nothing as he crouched before her. He tried to keep his feelings in check, but Ahri was perceptive. For one who felt no real emotion, she was quite capable of pinpointing his. Her hands moved from her side as he lifted her shirt. There was an ugly scar there, identicle to his own facial injury. The skin around it was red and angry, puffy and swollen.

He wanted to apologize, but the words stuck in his throat.

"Your injury is healing slowly. Too early to start sparring," he said instead. His hands lingered at the hem of her shirt when he pulled it back down. His chest tightened. She was injured, he was weak. Had the Scavenger really done so much damage to them?

Ahri slowly pushed herself into a sitting position. She felt as though there were a coil in her chest, ready to come undone.

"You're anxious," she stated plainly. Kylo avoided her gaze. Those eyes...he felt a tug at his chin and he turned his head to look at her. Her hand fell from his face. "About what...I can't decide."

"It's no concern of yours," he snapped. But he knew what she was going to say-

"Any emotion of yours is my concern. We are connected, Knight of Ren. Regardless of your opinion of it."

"Silence!" Kylo commanded, standing to his full height. Ahri sat there, staring up at him with eyes so crimson he though he would lose himself in the pools of roses. He wouldn't let her distract him, however. "You've been speaking too boldly as of late."

Ahri's blank stare was absolutely infuriating. "Anything I feel and convey is a product of your own making. Perhaps you're losing control over your emotions," she stated.

Kylo inwardly cursed her. She was right. Since the encounter with the Scavenger, he had found himself expressing his anger more frequently and with less restraint than he usually did. Without saying anything further, he reached out his hand to her. Ahri accepted it without hesitation and allowed him to help her up. Kylo stood still as she leaned on him for support. She sucked in a sharp breath as pain sprawled up her side, but aside from that her face was a blank page.

Kylo felt a familiar pressure at the back of his neck. It was subtle but strong, almost painful. Ahri felt it as well.

"Supreme Leader Snoke is requesting your pressence," she said, moving away from him. Her hands folded neatly infront of her, "Would you like me to remain here?"

"No. Join me," was his reply.

The two got dressed in silence. Kylo put his shirt back on and Ahri slid into her high-collared uniform. She smoothed down her shirt before zipping it up. Though it was a long sleeve, it left her shoulders exposed, keeping her somewhat cool. She reached up and released her hair from her ponytail, rod-straight jade locks falling neatly just past her shoulders. She ran her fingers through her hair, pushing her bangs from her face.

Kylo was watching her as he worked his own jacket buttons. In her black uniform, Ahri was quite a sight. It wasn't her strange looks that caught his attention, however. It was her personality, or lack of one. Even with her monotonous disposition, he found himself drawn to her empty, sometimes harsh realistic outlook.

"Ahri," he said as they walked to the training room doors. She regarded him with disinterest, though he knew she was listening. He remembered the wound on her side. There was something he wanted to ask about it, but it was forgotten as his eyes met hers.

"Yes?" she responded. Her finger paused over the 'open-door' button.

As the door opened he rushed past her, keeping his head down. Ahri quickly followed behind. She knew he was hiding something from her, but didn't push the subject. He would tell her soon enough.


	2. fear

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fear (noun):  
> 1\. An unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that someone or something is dangerous, likely to cause pain, or a threat.  
> 2\. A feeling of anxiety concerning the outcome of something or the safety and well-being of someone.

Ahri didn't really have a preference, but her favorite time was when she could meditate in peace.

She sat in her room, levitating near her bed. Her eyes were closed, hands folded neatly in her lap.

She was in a closed room. It was dark, and cold. It was silent, empty. There was a pressure all around her, pushing her, pulling her. It was a familiar sense- the Force was something she was comfortable with. When she was performing her usual duties, there was always so much noise. The creaking of the ship, the chatter of troopers, the shouting of officers. In her little room, in the dark, it was quiet. The Force was always quiet.

She allowed herself to enjoy it from time to time.

There was a sudden sharp stabbing pain behind her eyes and she cried out, falling to the floor with a harsh thump. She laid there on her back a moment, chest heaving with strangled breaths. The pain came again, this time worse than before. Ahri struggled to push herself off the floor, but the room was spinning and she couldn't breath well. She managed a weak cry.

"K..Kyo!" was all she could manage. He was asleep in the room next to hers, there was no way for him to hear her.

The pain subsided. Ahri finally caught her breath again. She gasped over and over, trying to get air back in her lungs before the next pain hit. Her hands groped at her bed, clawing her way on top of it. It always helped to lay on her side when he had nightmares like this. Just as she slid onto the bed, there was another stabbing pain, this time in her chest. What was it he was dreaming of, she wondered vaguely as nausea washed over her.

Ahri squeezed her eyes shut and tried to make herself as small as possible, curling into a ball in the center of her bed.

It was going to be a long sleep-cycle.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Ahri, wake up," Kylo's voice was harsh.

Ahri started awake. Kylo nearly jumped back. He hadn't expected her to wake so violently, so he called her name again. It may have been the dimness of her room, but Kylo noticed how pale and clammy she looked, her hair all mused and tangled and dark circles under her eyes. Kylo's hand moved on its own, from its place at his side to her face, to brush her bangs from her eyes. It moved to her forehead. Ahri leaned into his hand, grateful for the coolness it provided.

"You had nightmares again last night," her croaky voice said when he removed his hand, "They were worse than usual."

Kylo was silent. He leaned down and gently pushed her legs back further on the bed, sitting down beside her. "You've never reacted this way," he said, a bit more gently this time.

Ahri closed her eyes. "I'm not sure what's wrong with me. I was fine last night."

There was a dark stain on her blanket, near her side. Kylo frowned, reaching over to push her bangs back again. "Is your side still hurting?"

She nodded. He reached over and peeled the blanket back and held back a gasp. There was a large pool of...blood- he noted, though her dark sheets made it difficult to immediately discern- under her, her shirt clinging to her side. "Shit!" he hissed, rushing to the intercom near the door. As he barked orders for a medical bot to be sent immediately, Ahri struggled to sit up.

"Stay still!" Kylo commanded, crossing the room in two strides. In a moment of panic-induced adrenaline, he carefully pulled her shirt away from her wound and over her head. Ahri could do nothing but comply, limply moving her arms so he could pull them through the sleeves.

"The wound on your side reopened," he said, catching her questioning gaze. He bent down to pick her up, carefully hooking one arm under her legs and one cradling her back. Her head rested on his shoulders. "Stay awake!"

"Must have happened last night, when you were having nightmares," she mumbled. Her head lobbed back and forth against his shoulder as he headed for her bathroom, opting to carefully place her in the bathtub, her back propped up against the wall. It was a snug fit, the two of them in there, but it would have to work. He didn't have time to take her to the Infirmary.

He began applying pressure to the long jagged opening in her side. "You should have woken me up," He said roughly. There was no way to tell exactly how much blood she had lost, he thought, looking back to her. Her eyes were closed, mouth parted slightly. Panic shot up through his stomach and he nearly let go of her side to wake her. Blood seeped through his fingers, soaking his hands. "Ahri!" He snapped angrily.

Ahri didn't respond. Dammit, where were those bots? His heart thumped in his chest. The last time they were in this situation she nearly died. Kylo had never been more terrified in his life, except now. What would he do if-

Kylo heard the swoosh of the door as it slid open. An angry voice boomed, "We've been trying to contact you for ten minutes, Commander-"

"Hux!" Kylo shouted. For the first time since meeting the hatefully irritating man, Kylo was actually relieved to hear that painful voice of his. "In here!"

"Oh, for stars' sake, are you really- God!" Hux exclaimed. Kylo looked over his shoulder. Hux was standing in the bathroom doorway, mouth agape. "What the hell-"

"Her wound reopened last night," Kylo said quickly, shuffling over to the side as Hux pulled his black coat off and quickly rolled up his sleeves.

Hux eyed him suspiciously and crouched down, moving Kylo's hands to press against her side. Kylo ignored his gaze and darted into the room to get something to dress the wound with. Hux shook his head, peering at Ahri's pale face. "What has he done to you..." the older man muttered. He was quite fond of Ahri. She was polite, something he found pleasant after dealing with Kylo's insufferable attitude. He was aware of the connection between the two- it was hard to miss, considering Ahri was an ever-present entity at Kylo's side, and had been for the past four years. The only reason Hux was trying to keep her alive was that- that she was decent company.

It was obvious that Kylo always kept her at arms length, as he did everyone. Ahri seemed to be the only one unfazed by his abrasive childishness. Hux chalked that up to the fact that she was unfazed by mostly everything. However, since the fight with the scavenger, things had changed. Hux didn't fail to notice the small glances Kylo would send her way every now and again during meetings, or even how the way he spoke to her was, for once, in a mostly decent tone.

The way he was frantically trying to find something to stop the blood was equally as unusual.

"Here," Kylo said, suddenly at Hux's side with a large box decorated with the usual red cross. Hux got to work. Kylo watched carefully and reached out to take any bloody rags Hux handed him as he applied bacta and bandages.

"Why hasn't the infirmary treated this yet?" Hux asked. For once, there was no maliciousness to his voice. Kylo found it much more tolerable.

"Bacta's the only thing we have that will work," Kylo's voice resounded from the room. He came back to the bathroom with a clean pair of clothes, "They've never worked on a Chrysanth before."

This struck Hux as odd, but he didn't mention it. He had not been aware she was anything but human.

Hux washed his hands in the bathroom sink, ignoring Kylo as he dressed Ahri in fresh clothes. He thought he heard her say something; when he looked over his shoulder, she was indeed awake, though by no means able to stand. Kylo muttered something to her before picking her up in much the same way he did earlier. There it was again- that gentleness in Kylo Hux had never seen before. It was unnerving.

Hux was angry. The entire purpose of Ahri's presence on this ship was to push Kylo closer to the Dark Side, and for the longest that plan worked. She was chosen because of her emptiness, that she was force sensitive yet completely apathetic. Ahri was truly Dark Side material, but her absolute lack of interest in anything, including power, kept her out of Snoke's plans. She was meant to absorb much of Kylo's emotions to keep him from losing focus. Yet here they were, considerably much closer than the two had been before they fought the scavenger.

"Commander," Hux snapped once he had put his coat back on. Kylo had laid her carefully in bed and was washing his own hands. "Now that you're done playing nurse, you are needed in the Bridge."

Had it not been for Snoke's need of Hux, Kylo would have killed him. The very thought of the man addressing him in such a way was infuriating. He strode across the room to face Hux, close enough that their noses almost touched. When he spoke, Hux struggled to keep from flinching.

"Silence," Kylo snarled, voice low and dangerously sharp. "You'll not speak of this to anyone."

Hux looked back to where Ahri was lying on her bed and Kylo's gaze followed. The sheets had been changed, and her eyes were closed. "You shouldn't think too fondly of her. Your loyalty lies with Supreme Leader Snoke, doesn't it?"

Kylo's head snapped back to him and Hux felt a small pressure at his neck. "Don't question me," was Kylo's vicious reply. He spat out the words as if they put a bad taste in his mouth. "It will be the last mistake you ever make."

With his threat left hanging in the air, Kylo roughly brushed past Hux and stormed out of the room. Hux stumbled a bit from the impact, but said nothing as the pressure was released from his throat. He eyed Ahri.

Snoke would be hearing about this.  
\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
The scavenger was a quick little one, Ahri noted. Her own lightsaber was dangling from her belt, unused and forgotten. She rarely ever used it, opting for using the Force and her own two hands.

The defect, however, was another can of worms entirely. Ahri stood there in the snow, her black robes billowing and swishing in the icy winds, with her hood pulled over her head. She almost looked ethereal, the snowflakes landing on her dark lashes and hair, red eyes a stark contrast with her pale complexion. The defect, a young man with dark skin and an interesting burning in his eyes, stared at her hatefully. He should have been, considering he was cradling his friend in the snow. Ahri couldn't tell if she was still alive. Kylo was standing a few feet away, seething with unbridled anger. His mask had been discarded long ago, but Ahri chose not to hide her face.

"Traitor!" Kylo screamed violently.

Finn slowly stood, gripping his friend's lightsaber painfully, though he wasn't force sensitive. Scarlet eyes pierced into Finn. He was a mess of emotion. Hate, anger, confusion. Fear. These were emotions she was familiar with.

"You're quivering," Ahri said to him in a even monotone.

Finn sputtered at her. "Shut up!"

Kylo commanded Finn to give him the saber. Finn challenged him. Ahri didn't move from her spot. She could tell this man was clearly untrained and unfit to fight against a Force-user, especially a Knight of Ren. Kylo was more than capable of handling the situation. She watched Kylo's perfect fighting stance, the way he moved so fluidly, as though he were dancing. Finn was clumsily trying to block and counter, his feet tripping over each other. It was almost comical. Kylo finally backed Finn against a tree, cutting deep into his shoulder with the cross guard. Finn began to scream, trying to push his saber against Kylo's.

As Finn's screams resonated throughout the forest, Rey began to wake. It was a subtle movement, but Ahri caught it. Within seconds, she was blocking the fist that Rey sent her way, twisting her arm out of the way. Rey cried out, swinging once again. Ahri simply moved slightly left and right to avoid her attacks. Keeping her face devoid of any reaction, Ahri shoved Rey's fist away and slammed her palm into the girl's gut. Rey gasped and stumbled back, clutching her stomach as she dropped to one knee.

"Rey!" Finn yelled, swinging his lightsaber towards Ahri. With a flick of her wrist, Ahri's own curved-hilt lightsaber was drawn, blocking Finn's. She swiped her hand through the air, knocking Rey back into a tree. She moved to kick Finn back, only to flip out of the way of Kylo's saber as it slashed right down the defect's back. The blue lightsaber went flying through the air. Kylo went to summon it with the Force, but found himself unable to. The saber simply rattled back and forth in the snow, as if it were stuck.

Ahri's eyes slowly narrowed. She felt something. Something...different. It was a growing emotion she couldn't name, bubbling up in her chest and threatening to spill out. Something was happening in the Force. The saber finally broke free, flying past Kylo and Ahri at a breakneck speed. It landed in the hands of Rey, the lowly scavenger. Ahri exhaled sharply she recognized what she was feeling. It wasn't an emotion, no. This was something else entirely. That girl, that dirty stowaway that had somehow become entangled in the affairs of the universe was awake now. Whatever the hell had been asleep inside her had woken up.

Kylo's eyes met hers. For the first time, Kylo saw raw emotion in those dull eyes.

It was fear.  
\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
"How is his training going? Well?"

Ahri's response spilled like water into a cup, smooth, confident. "Well, sir. He's excelling at a unprecedented rate. The incident with the Scavenger bared no harm to his progress."

Snoke seemed pleased with that. Sitting on his throne, he looked as though he were bored of her. It was one of the few times he ever held a briefing with her, to be updated on Kylo's training. He was slouched in his throne, one hand propping up his head. Such an informal stance gave him an nonthreatening appearance, but everyone knew better. Ahri could feel him in her head, poking around like an unwanted guest. She was quite small in comparison to the rest of the throne room. She wore her signature black shoulder-less long sleeved uniform and pants, paired with her knee-high boots. Snoke scanned her carefully. There was no anger. No fear. Nothing.

"And what of you? Hux tells me you were out of commission for quite some time."

Ahri had nearly forgotten the man was there. Hux stood next to her, hands clasped behind his back as opposed to hers, which remained at her sides. Despite his stoic look, Ahri could feel his slight giddiness. "Yes. Kylo Ren insisted I take time to properly recover after the wound on my side reopened. It should not be a problem at this point," she stated blatantly.

Snoke nodded, clearly amused by her response. "Another thing he tells me," Snoke said with a hint of interest, "Is that you let the defect live."

Ahri stared forward. She knew what he was talking about. How Hux had known was beyond her. She took note of that. Finally she spoke, "My choice was to either kill the defect or keep Kylo Ren alive. I chose the option that would benefit you most, Supreme Leader."

This time it was Hux that chimed in. "You showed empathy, Ahri," he said evenly, "Empathy is a human emotion."

Ahri's unsettling gaze turned to him. She took several minutes until she spoke, it seemed to unnerve him more. When she did speak, it echoed loudly. "It is best for you, General, to not confuse empathy with control."

With that, she turned and left the room. Hux nearly choked on his spit. This was the first time she had ever back-talked to him. He looked at Snoke, expecting him to reprimand her for breaking protocol and leaving without being dismissed. Snoke only watched her retreating form with narrowed eyes.


End file.
